Jack Sparrow's Shoulder Angels
by Shadows and Smoke
Summary: You know there are two tiny versions of yourself that sit on your shoulders: a devil and an angel? Jack Sparrow has them too. POTC COTBP, told in the point of view by Jack's shoulder angels. Now rated for mild language. PLEASE R&R!
1. Chapter 1

Ok, here's my first story. PLEASE REVIEW!

Just so you know, James is the name for the angel, while Johnny is the devil. When James talks, it is written in _italics_, while Johnny's words are written in **bold** lettering.

_Shoulder angels. Everyone has them. Some are just more clearer then others._

**Keep quiet, ya fool!**

_Shush, Johnny! As I was saying, we are the shoulder angels of the famous Captain Jack Sparrow._

**Infamous, ya mean. Not exactly everyone loves 'im, do they? Take Barbossa for instance – **

_Captain Barbossa will rot in hell, Johnny._

**Along side with our Jack.**

_Jack could be a fine member of society if he just…_

**What?**

_Didn't listen to you._

**That hurt, James.**

_Sorry._

**Anyway, what do you expect? I am one of the devil's many helpers, you know. It's my job to make Jack go to hell.**

While the shoulder angels argued, Jack dutifully tried to get as much water out of Ana-Maria's boat as he could. He quickly took of his hat as he passed the rotting corpses of killed pirates.

_See, Jack? She what could happen? I'm sure you could get a job in the Navy – "_

Jack groaned. "Put a sock in it, James." He snarled good-naturally.

_See what you have made him behave like, Johnny? When he was a boy, oh, how well behaved he was-_

**He stole pennies from the kids at school.**

Jack grinned at the thought. The angels stopped talking, and watched interestedly as the little ship sunk lower and lower, until Jack could just walk off onto the dock. He marched forward, and a little stoat man turned and watched him.

"Who-ho-" He spluttered. "Hold up there, you!" He shouted. The two angels and Jack sighed. Jack spun on his heel and walked up to the man.

"It's a shilling to tie up your boat on the dock." He said, self-assured.

Jack raised his eyebrows and looked at the boat- half a mast peeping out from the water.

_Just be polite Jack, he's just doing his job-_

**Stuff polite, punch him in the nose!**

_Violence never solves anything, Johnny – _

**Gets them to shut up, at least.**

Jack tried to ignore them, and concentrated on looking interested in the old man. He continued talking. "And I shall need to know your name."

The two angels held their breath. Jack, however, didn't miss a beat. He dropped three coins onto the man's outstretched book.

"What do you say three shillings," He said, smirking a little, "And we forget the name?"

The man raised his eyebrows, and then smiled. "Welcome to port Royal, Mr Smith." He said, snapping the book shut with a snap.

Jack clasped his hands and bowed, walking off.

**Nice job Sparrow, very well done indeed.**

Jack picked up a small bag that sat on a pole, shook it and smiled at the sound of the rattling coins.

_Oh no Jack, don't do it! It's that man's money – _

**What are you Sparrow, a pirate or a court man?**

Jack considered these wise words and slipped the bag in his pocket. James gave a sigh and folded his arms in a huff.

Jack walked down the ramp, glancing about to see if anyone was watching. The angels sat on his hat, playing a very heated game of naughts and crosses. As Johnny sensed that he was about to lose once again, he stood up in a rage and blew up the parchment in a puff of smoke. James tossed up his hands.

_That's the seventh game in a row you've done that! I'm not playing anymore!_

**Ah, ya wuss. Come on, one more game.**

_No!_

**Please?**

_No!_

"Shut up, both of you." Jack hissed, as he made his way over to a large ship. Two guards jumped up from their seats and rushed over.

"This dock is off limits to civilians." One said stiffly.

_Come on Jack, those are the rules. Just walk away, nice and quietly…_

**Pull out ya sword and challenge 'im! We 'aven't 'ad a good swordfight in days!**

_Why are you suddenly slurring?_

Johnny scowled. **I think it's sexy.**

Jack tried to ignore the two angels and turned to the guards. "I'm terribly sorry, I didn't know." He said apologetically.

_That's right, Jack. How polite of you-_

"If I see one, I shall inform you immediately."

Johnny cheered, while James flopped down in a sulk.

Jack went to walk around the two men, but they quickly blocked his path. Jack looked confused. "Apparently there's some high-toned and fancy do up at the fort, hey?" He said smoothly.

**What has that have to do with anything?**

"How could it be…" He tried to get around the guards again, only to be blocked. "That two upstanding gentlemen such as yourselves did not merit an invitation?"

The guards looked confused. "Someone has to make sure that this dock stays off limits to civilians." One said quickly, tightening his grip on his gun.

Jack nodded. "It's a fine goal, to be sure. But it seems to me that a ship like that," He pointed out to the docks, where a large ship sat. Both guards and the angels turned to look at it. "Makes this one seem a bit superfluous really."

_Oh Jack, don't stir them up like that-_

**KEEP GOING! LOOK, THEY SEEM CONFUSED NOW!**

"Shut up!" Jack muttered, glad he was the only one who could see or hear his shoulder angels.

The guard nodded. "Oh, the _Dauntless_ is the powers in these waters, true enough." He smirked. "But there's no ship that can match the _Interceptor_ for speed."

Jack put a finger to his beard, pretending to think. "I've 'eard of one." He said sweetly.

_Don't do it, Jack. They'll get all upset…_

"Supposed to be very fast, niuncatchable… the _Black Pearl_."

The other guard scoffed. "There's no real ship that can match the _Interceptor."_ He laughed, shaking his head. The other one frowned.

The _Black Pearl_ is a real ship." He said.

James groaned. _Now look what you've done._

The larger guard shook his head. "No. No it's not."

"Yes it is. I've seen it."

The guard stopped laughing and turned around to face his friend. "You've seen it?" He asked disbelievingly.

"Yes!"

"You haven't seen it!"

"Yes, I have!"

The guard lent close to the other. "You've seen a ship, with black sails, that's sailed by a man so evil… that hell itself, spat him back out?"

Jack slowly walked backwards, and then managed to slink away and walk up the plank to the ship.

_That was low, Jack._

**Brilliant man, brilliant. You've made me proud. Look, I have a tear in my eye. See it? Right there…**

"Shut up, you two." Jack snarled. "I'm trying to steal a boat here!"

"Hey, you!"

All three groaned.


	2. Chapter 2

Hi. I'm back. Thanks to all my reviewers for this story, I didn't think I'd get so many. So Herminoe Vader, sherril, Jon'ic Recheio, CAPTAIN Matey Sparrow, MeraSparrow, Infamouspirate10, Rita Hill, Ogreatrandom and Sairra, James, Johnny and I take off our hats and bow to you! Free rum all around!

A reminder: James spakis in _italics _and Johnny speaks in **bold**.

So on with the show!

"Hey!" The fat man yelled at Jack. "Get away from there! You don't have permission to be aboard their mate."

_If you walk off nice and quietly, maybe they won't shoot-_

**C'mon Jack, they're navy men! NAVY! What harm could they possibly do?**

_See those big guns? You think they carry them around to look good?_

Jack let go of the wheel quickly. "I'm sorry, it's just as it's such a pretty boat.

_SHIP!_

"Ship!" He quickly corrected himself.

The two guards did not lower their guns. "What's your name?" One asked, cocking his head.

**Don't tell them!**

_Maybe it would be better to just tell them the truth Jack. They might appreciate honesty._

With gritted teeth, Johnny clenched his fists. **Pirates aren't honest.**

_Well, maybe it's time to say goodbye to that part of your life, Jack. Maybe you could get a job as a blacksmith-_

With a quick shake of ?Jack's head, James went flying off of his hat and onto the ships floor.

**Oh, very good job sparrow. He'll be out for at least a week now with concussion! HAHAHAHA!**

Jack turned back to the guards. "Smith. Or, Smithy if you like."

_Owww… I have a migraine now…_

"What's your purpose in Port Royal, 'Mr Smith'?" One asked suspiciously.

"Yeah, and no lies!" the other added.

James weakly flew back up to Jack's shoulder. **No lies! Ha!**Johnny hooted. **Idiots!**

James managed a weary _Hmm…_

Jack shrugged his shoulders, making the angels bounce up and down. "All right then." He sighed, walking towards the guards. "I confess. It is my intention to commandeer a ship, pick up a crew in Tortuga, rape, pillage and otherwise pilfer my weaselly black guts out."

**What are you doing man? Why don't you just tell them to shoot you on the spot, or is that part of the plan?**

_Yes… _ James muttered faintly _I like cream spread on carrots…_

The guards looked at each other. "I said no lies!" One cried.

The other squinted at Jack. "I think he's telling the truth."

"If he was telling the truth, he wouldn't have told us."

Jack smirked. **Oh, very good job. Knew you had it in you!**

_Don't hurt the little bunny…_

"Unless," Jack said, trotting over to the guards, "He knew you wouldn't believe the truth even if he told you."

"The guards nodded, then looked confused. Johnny sighed. **It's going to be a very long day.**

After about an hour, James had fully recovered. Both lay on Jack's shoulders, listening intently to the long-spun, embellished story he was telling the guards.

"And then they made me my chief." He said. Suddenly, the group looked up. There had been a large splash.

James jumped up immediately. _A girl!_ He cried dramatically. _A girl just fell into the water!_

Johnny rolled over lazily. **So?**

The guards and Jack stood up and looked out to sea. "Will you be saving her then?" Jack asked one of the guards.

His eyes widened. "I can't swim!"

**Leave her Jack, her little powder puff of a boy friend is coming to get her now. Look, the man running down the steps.**

_He won't make it! Come on Jack, we have to save her!_

"We?" Jack muttered under his breath.

**And risk drowning? FOR GOD'S SAKE, PIRATES DON'T SAVE DAMSELS IN DISTRESS!**

Jack looked around helplessly, then sighed. "All right James." He whispered. "You have to promise though to keep quite when we reach Tortuga!"

_Deal._

"Pride of the king's Navy you are!" Jack suddenly growled to the guards, swooping off his hat and shoving it at one. James cheered. Loudly. "Do not lose these." He continued, taking off his effects and grabbed the nearest rope.

**Hear we go.** Johnny muttered, gripping onto Jack's open collar. James grabbed a handful of Jack's dreads.

_I just want to say how proud am of you, Jack._ _Saving a young girl's life, it's so noble-_

His words where cut off, however, as Jack hit the water.

**Lucky we can talk under here, isn't it Jack?**

Jack rolled his eyes and paddled over to Elizabeth. She hit the sandy floor just as Jack picked her up and swam to the surface.

**Wow man, your face is going really purple. You think you can hold on for much longer?**

They hit the surface, and Jack drunk in deep breaths of the sea air. He glanced at Elizabeth.

_Her dress! Rip it off Jack, it's dragging you down!_

**Yeah Jack, rip it off! Rip it!**

He pulled it off, and swam towards the docks. James and Johnny yelled out encouragement.

_Let's go Jack! Come on, swim!_

**Look at that, the wench isn't even breathing. What a waste of time, saving some dead girl!**

_She isn't, she's just unconscious. She'll be fine, she'll be fine-_

Jack hit the dock, and handed over Elizabeth to a guard. He pushed her hair back to get a better look at her as Jack clambered onto the dock.

"She's not breathing!" The guard cried.

"Oh, move!" Jack yelled, pushing the guard out of the way.

_Really Jack, a bit more politeness couldn't help-_

Jack ripped open her corset with a knife, and she spluttered out water.

**Ooh look, you think she'll puke?**

One guard looked at Jack in awe. "Never would have thought of that." He said.

"Clearly you've never been to Singapore."

James jumped down from Jack's shoulder and hovered just a few centimetres from Elizabeth. _Jack, look what she has around her neck!_

Johnny gasped. **No way… she's Bootstrap's kid!**

_Oh, don't jump to conclusions. Clearly-_

**I'm telling you man, they just don't hand these puppies out to anyone!**

Jack pushed James away to get a better look. He picked it up and wiped it off. "Where did you get that?" He asked softly.

Suddenly a sword was pointed to Sparrow's throat. "On your feet."


	3. Chapter 3

_**You're all so fast at reviewing! I came back the next day to my computer and my inbox was full, thanks so much. This chapter is dedicated to my faithful reviewers; Renthead, MeraSparrow, Sairra, LittleFlowerLei, Svrao, Ogreatrandom and especially JackNanamaria and Oser Mayer weenie wagon, who so sweetly reviewed both chapters for me as they were reading it! (a note for JackNanamaria: LOVE your Wow! Pirates in 2005! Story. Will have to read the sequel!)**_

_**Sorry bout all the grammar/spelling errors. Guess it would have been a good idea to re-read it, huh?**_

Jack rose to meet the angry sword of (_gasp!) _Commodore Norrington.

_Why isn't he thanking us? He should be grateful!_

**Bloody hell, this is what you get for trying to be the nice guy. We just rescued this son of a-**

_Johnny!_

…'**s girlfriend, and now he's trying to do us in! Frankly, I'm ashamed of the Navy. The last one couldn't even swim!**

The Governor swooped down on his daughter. "Elizabeth!" he cried, pulling a coat onto her. "Are you all right?"

Elizabeth shot a bemused look in Jack's direction. "Yes. Yes I'm fine." She gasped.

_Not a word of thanks. In my day, young girls where polite to their elders._

The Governor then realised that the guard was holding Elizabeth's corset. He dropped it quickly and pointed to Jack.

**_Hey!_** The angels chorused.

"Shoot him!"

"Father!" Elizabeth interrupted.

**So the poor little rich girl finds her tongue after all.**

_Be quiet Johnny._

"Why?" Jack muttered. "Not like they can hear you."

Johnny stuck out his tongue. **So there.**

"Commodore," The girl said, turning to the Navy man, "Do you really intend to kill my rescuer?"

_Ah, there. What a nice young lady to defend you like that, Jack. Say thank you…_

Jack bowed to Elizabeth as the Navy put their swords down.

"I believe thanks are in order." Norrington said, holding out his hand.

**Don't touch it!**

_Be polite Jack, shake the nice man's hand-_

Jack went to shake but jerked back as Johnny yelled, **ARE YOU DARFT MAN? DON'T DO IT!**

_Jack, just shake his hand. He's saying thank you!_

Jack hesitatingly put his hand in Norrington's, only to be jerked forward and his sleave pushed up to reveal his pirate brand.

**Noooooo! THAT, my dear friend, is what you get when you listen to a guy in a dress.**

_We're been through this. It's a robe._

**But look at that sissy, stringy thing he's holding! **

_It's a harp._

Norrington talked over the top of them. "Had a brush with the East India Trading Company did we, pirate?"

Jack winced as James kicked the side of his head to get to Johnny, who was now singing, **I know a girl, yes I do, I know a girl, how 'bout you?**

The Governor scowled at Jack. "Hang him!" He announced, hugging his daughter protectively.

"Keep your guns on him, men. Gillette, fetch some irons," Norrington said. He pulled up Jack's shirt a bit more to reveal his tattoo.

_I knew you shouldn't have got that thing._

**Please. He was drunk!**

_He's always drunk!_

"Well well." He said, finally releasing his captor. "Jack Sparrow, isn't it?"

**_Captain!_** The angels snarled together.

"Captain, Jack Sparrow, if you please sir." Jack said politely.

The Commodore looked around mockingly. "Well I don't see your ship… 'Captain'."

**Don't say a word man. He doesn't need to know.**

_Jack, be honest. Better to be truthful in the eyes of God…_

Jack sneered, showing a mouthful of gold. "I'm in the market, as it where."

"He said he'd come to commander one." A guard said stiffly.

"Told you he was telling the truth!" The other said. "These are his, sir."

_I don't think we should have given those to him._

The guard handed over all of Jack's effects. Norrington picked up the gun.

"No additional shots, nor powder. … A compass that doesn't point north…" He pulled out the sword from its sheath. "And I half expected it to be made of wood." He shoved the sword back. "You are without doubt the worst pirate I've ever heard of!"

**That's a bit harsh, isn't it.**

_I've heard of worse ones then y- actually, never mind._

Jack held up a hand. "But you have heard of me."

Norrington grabbed him roughly and pulled him brusquely down the dock, making James and Johnny lose their footing and having to grab onto the beads on jack's bandana.

**Blood-ee 'ell!**

_Trying to be sexy again, are we?_

Elizabeth ran along behind them. "Commodore, I really must protest." She cried.

_Oh what a good girl, trying to protect us._

**How on EARTH can she protect us? I've seen sticks bigger then her!**

Handcuffs where strapped to Jack's wrists. Johnny jumped down and studied the locks, then climbed back up to whisper into Jack's ear. James didn't notice; he was listening to the girl talk.

"Pirate or not, this man saved my life!" She said, quite harshly.

"One good deed is not enough to redeem a man for a lifetime of wickedness!"

"But it seems enough to condemn him." Jack interrupted.

"Indeed."

_Well said Jack- what are you both talking about? Johnny, you better stop planting bad seeds of thought in his mind- what are you saying?_

**Ok Jack, I'm done.**

"Finally." Jack muttered, and through his arms over Elizabeth. James screamed, and Johnny laughed. Elizabeth gasped, and lent against Jack for support.

"Don't shoot!" The Governor yelled, looking petrified.

"I knew you'd warm up to me." Jack breathed in her ear.

_Oh, the poor little thing. Jack, you let her go right now, you hear? Just let her go and run, ok?_

**Without your effects? Toy with her a bit, mate!**

_Girls are not meant to be toyed with. Let her go!_

"Commodore Norrington, my effects, please. And my hat!"

The Navy didn't move.

"Commodore!"

Jack leant forward and pressed his mouth to Elizabeth's ear. "Elizabeth, it is Elizabeth isn't it?"

"It's Miss Swann." She growled. James fluttered a few inches from her face._ Oh Jack, I am ashamed. Look at the poor thing. Don't… don't pull so tightly, she has to breath, oh God you'll be hung for this for sure_…

Johnny pushed James out of the way to look at her. **Don't be such a killjoy. Christ, check out the cleavage!**

"Miss Swann, if you'd be so kind." Elizabeth glanced at the effects held out to her."

**Chop chop, missy!**

"Come come dear, we don't have all day!" Jack suddenly snapped, making her lean forward and grab his things.

_The Lord won't let me live this one down._

He spun her around so she was facing him. "If you'll be very kind." He said.

**Ha ha, brilliant plan of mine this was. Ohh, the Navy's sweating bullets now!**

_Don't hurt her, Jack!_

Elizabeth was breathing heavily as she pushed Jack's hat on his head. She pulled the sling over his shoulder, and the pistol in its holster.

"Easy on the goods, darling." Jack slurred. James hit him over the head, then Johnny hit James back. They had a small punch-up fight in mid-air, as Elizabeth said, "You're despicable."

"Sticks and stones love." Jack answered, smarting over the punch James had just delivered. "I save your life, you save mine. We're square."

James returned to Jack's shoulder with a bleeding lip, panting heavily.

_J-ac-k, he hit me…_

**I tapped ya, you baby!**

Jack spun her around again so she faced the gathering of people. "Gentlemen, my lady," He said, walking backwards. The angels gripped his coat. "You will always remember this as the day you almost caught… Captain Jack Sparrow!"

And with that, he pushed Elizabeth into the arms of both Norrington and the Governor.

And ran.


	4. Chapter 4

Thanks to everyone who reviewed! LittleFlowerLei, MeraSparrow, jackNanamaria (was your pen name always that? LOL, thanks for your review. It was really cute! Yeah, I did get the quote from Emperor's new Groove. I thought I heard it before, so yeah, that's where I heard it. And love that bit of dialogue from Anamaria and Jack, priceless!) Oscar Mayer Weenie wagon (thanks so much, I love hearing that. And this has been a really big hit; I think I will write one for the other movies!) Renthead, Ogreatrandom, L. R. Meriadoc and Quennofinsanity (NEW REVIEWERS! YEA!) Thanks for all your kind words. Talk to you all soon, and I hope you like this chapter!

Love from h.i.f.o

Jack grabbed the rope and kicked the plank, making him fly up into the heavens.

_Dear lord, please help us. Please please…_

**Satan me man, we're in a bit of a jam. Wanna just finish us off so we can all come home?**

Jack continued to grasp ropes, flailing in mid air.

**Well, at least they're all so wrapped up in the little princess they aren't shooting-**

Suddenly an uproar of bullets filled the air.

James scowled. _You jinxed us, Johnny._

**Did not. It's your fault anyway. **

_How is it possibly my fault?_

**If we didn't save the bitch in the first place, none of this would have happened now, would it?**

_Well, she was grateful- AHHHH!_

Jack hooked his handcuffs onto the rope and glided down to solid ground. He started to run.

**Over the bridge! Over the bridge!**

James was too busy screaming to notice anything. They rushed through town and hid, watching the Navy men rush past.

"Search up the stairs," one yelled.

"Look lively men!" Another barked.

**Yes men, look lively. Stupid idiots, running around dressed like girls.**

_How are you going to get the cuffs off, Jack?_

Jack looked around, and his eyes rested on the blacksmith shop.

_Ah, good thinking. They might cut them off for you._

**With half the town searching for him? Get real man. Get that sword; we might have to quiet them all down in there.**

_Oh, now don't do that-_

"Good thinking Johnny," Jack muttered, grabbing the sword and pushing his way into the shop.

_You NEVER listen to my ideas…_

The three glanced around the little shop. Jack jogged in, put his hat down and picked up a hammer.

_What was that?_

Jack spun on his heel, and saw an old man in the corner. Snoring.

**Approach with caution, Sparrow. Who knows, he could be an undercover navy officer.**

Jack staggered up to the old man, and bent over him.

**Drop the hammer on his head!**

Jack settled for poking him.

_He seems like he's in a pretty deep sleep, Jack. Let him be._

**Don't take any chances me man, kill 'im off!**

_You just want to hurt people._

**Just because you faint at the sight of blood…**

Jack turned to go, then span and shrieked, "Whoa!"

Johnny and James both screamed. **Bloody hell Sparrow, you just cut ten years off of me-**

_My word Jonathon!_

"Don't call me that! I'm sorry, I'm sorry." Jack muttered, walking away to attempt to get the cuffs off. He hammered them with his tool.

**Great job Sparrow. That's really going to work.**

_Maybe if you had a bigger hammer._

Jack flailed his arms about, trying to get rid of the angels. They both flew up to the wooden planking above. Jack looked up at it, then at the donkey.

**_That'll work._** The angels spoke in unison.

Jack pulled the hot rod from the fire, and poked the donkey with it. He slung the cuffs over the wheel- thing, and they came uncut.

**Good job man, I'm proud of y-**

_The door!_

Jack and Johnny looked up, to see the door becoming unlocked.

_Hide!_

**Are you a man or a mouse, Jack? Stand and fight the bastard!**

Jack chose the first option, and watched as Will Turner entered.

**It's only the pretty-boy apprentice. Go stab the sword in his back!**

_Hush Johnny._

**Don't tell me to hush, you bible bashing freak-**

"Shh!" Jack snorted. Johnny gasped.

**Did you just Shh me? Why Jack, after all the good things I've done for you, and you're siding with HIM?"**

"I'm trying to hear!" jack muttered under his breath.

James stuck out his tongue. _Nah Nah._

Jack watched as Will walked up to the elderly man, still snoring. He smirked. "Right where I left you." He whispered. He turned, and walked over to the bench. He frowned slightly at the hammer Jack had used, and not put back in its place.

"Not where I left you." He muttered. His gaze wandered, right over to Jack's hat.

Johnny and James groaned. **_Not the hat…_**

Will's head jerked up as Jack's blade hit the back of his hand. He slowly walked backwards, eyes growing bigger and bigger.

"You're the one they're hunting." He gasped.

**We're already famous in little old Port Royal.** Johnny said smugly.

"The pirate!" Will said, oblivious to the rude hand gestures Johnny was giving him.

James, however, was a little more refined. _He looks very recognizable, doesn't he? I'm sure we've met him before. Ask him for me, won't you Jack?_

Jack cocked his head. "You seem somewhat familiar, have I threatened you before?"

_Not what I had in mind._

Will scowled. "I make a point of avoiding familiarity with pirates."

**Ooh, aren't we little Mr High and Mighty. Well son, you know what you can do with that _sweet_****little face of yours? You can stick it right up your**-

"It would be a shame to put a black mark on your clean record. Excuse me." Jack turned to leave.

_Well-done Jack. Just walk away, nice and quietly._

**Look out!**

Jack spun, meeting Will with a sword.

_What is this boy, deranged? What is the matter with him?_

Jack frowned slightly. "Do you think this wise, boy? Crossing blades with a pirate?"

Will pulled the sword a little higher. "You threatened Miss Swann."

**Jesus Christ, what is the world coming to, I ask?**

James' face became stony. _Give it to him, Jack._

Jack smirked. "Only a little." And so they fought. Blades crashing and clinking, and Johnny and James on Jack's bandana giving support.

**In the eye! The eye Sparrow, the eye!**

_Try the waist; he has left that completely unprotected…_

Jack suddenly put down his sword and looked closely at Will.

_What a fool the child is, he stopped fighting!_

**Not good at this 'being bad' thing, are you James? You don't say fool. You say (**a/n: this phase must be cut out as this is a family site.)

_Oh. That's a bit abusive, don't you think?_

**I give up.**

Jack smiled at Will. "You know what you're going, I'll give you that. Excellent form. But how's your footwork? If I step here…"

**Great Sparrow. Give the kid a lesson while we're at it. Fantastic.**

_Maybe it would be better if you just did away with him, then we run._

**Where's the fun in that?**

_We're trying to save our lives here, not have fun!_

**But-But… he's only doing this 'cause Jack intimidated his little girlfriend!** Johnny howled.

_Oh, don't get upset. Jack could win over him any day._

**Jack could win over him blindfolded and one arm tied behind his back_-_ **Both angels jumped as Jack stopped moving. Jack sneered at Will. "Ta." He mocked, turning to leave again.

**Well-fought mate.**

_I must say, that was quite exhilarating. _

Jack laughed softly. "Thanks, boys." He pulled himself up onto the platform, and went to open the door.

_JACK!_ James yanked at Jack's dreads, pulling his head out of the way of the flying sword just in time. Jack looked, horror-stricken, at the still-vibrating blade. He gripped it, and tugged viciously. When realising it would not budge, he turned to the smug Will. "That is a wonderful trick." He said, stepping down form the platform and onto the ground. "Except, once again, you are between me and my way out. And now you have no weapon."

**_HA! _**The angels screamed. They both began to do their victory dances – Johnny began stripping and James did the Macarena.

Will turned and grabbed the closest thing: the burning hot rod.

The angels stopped dancing. Johnny put his shirt back on hastily. **_Ah. Well then._**

_GET 'IM JACK!_

The two men began fighting once again, spinning around the moving pole.

_It's like someone choreographed it. _

Jack glanced around at all of the swords. "Who makes all these? He demanded, still fighting.

**Obviously someone who has no life.**

"I do!" Will announced.

_Good guess_

**Why thank you**

"And I practice with them three times a day."

**Oh good lord.**

"You need to find yourself a girl, mate." Jack laughed, prancing around, sword in hand. "Or, perhaps the reason you practice three hours a day is because you've already found one, and are otherwise incapable of wooing said strumpet."

_Don't say the eunuch line…_

"You're not a eunuch, are you?"

James sighed, while Johnny whooped with laughter. **Gets funnier every time you say it mate.**

Will seemed to get upset then. "I practice three times a day so when I meet a pirate, I can kill him!"

**Pfft. Not likely.**

Jack and Will continued fighting. They walked up onto the (a/n no idea what's it called) seesaw and struggled with the swords. Getting his hand caught on a bit of loose rope, he fought one handed. He finally managed to get Will off the moving platform, and pulled himself up so he could release himself. As Will stepped up onto the seesaw again, Jack yanked himself free and fell on the platform, making Will fly up into the air. Will quickly cut a heavy bag of sawdust, making Jack soar up onto the rafters.

_Get up!_

Jack pulled himself up quickly, and the men quickly jumped from one bar to the next. Will managed to get Jack's sword to fall, useless, to the ground below.

**NOOOOOOOOOO!**

Jack jumped down, and Will followed. Johnny and James looked around helplessly for what they could do to help.

_Quick, the sawdust over there!_

The angels grabbed the bag and began to shake it. Jack ran over to help, and it broke. All over Will. Jack kicked his sword away, pulled out his gun and pointed it to his opponent's head.

Will blinked unsteadily. "You cheated."

**Oh, poor baby.**

_You'll get over it. Fighting a pirate for a girl, how ridiculous…_

"Pirate." Jack reminded him. The door began to rattle. James and Johnny span to face it.

**Holy shit, the navy! We forgot about them.**

_Quick Jack, they'll break through any second…_

Jack glanced behind him. Will ran to the door, pathetically holding onto a stick.

"Move away." Jack snarled.

"No."

Jack groaned. "Please move?"

"No! I cannot just move aside and let you escape."

**Don't lose your temper.**

_Oh, holy heavens! This coming from Satan's spawn?_

_**You having a go at my father, sissy-boy?"**_

_Of course not. No offence meant…_

**Jack, you know who that shot was meant for.**

_Try and scare him a bit._

Jack tightened his hold on the trigger. "This shot," he spat, "was not meant for you."

**No Jack, no!**

Then it all went black.

**Perfect diversion.**


	5. Chapter 5

Thanks for all the reviews, guys. Sorry it took so long, been busy. Thanks to: Jack's Savvy Lass, pucktofaerie, Stronghammer, renthead, Oscar Mayer Weenie Wagon, WonkasRose, LittleFlowerlei, JackNanamaria and Lonaarh. Hope y'all like the next part!

_Well, this is just fantastic. Why do we always end up in jail?_

"Sorry." Jack muttered as James paced the brim of his hat.

_Well, sorry won't let us out. This could be it, Jack. This could be the end-_

**Oh, put a sock in it James. **Johnny snarled, hurling his trident at the angel. James screamed as it snagged his robes.

_Jaa-ck! He hit me!_ James whined.

"Cut it out, you two." Jack snarled, looking out the window wistfully.

**Tattletale.**

_Takes one to know one._

**AND YOU LOT! **Johnny yelled, turning on Jack's shoulder and glaring at the men in the other cell. **STOP WHISTLING! THE DOG'S NOT GOING ANYWHERE!**

"I'll do it." Jack muttered. Raising his voice, he called, "You can keep doing that forever. The dog is never going to move."

The other men glared at him. "Oh, excuse us if we haven't resigned ourselves to the gallows just yet." One spat.

_At least they have hope. _James sniffed, pulling the probes that stuck in his clothes. _Thanks so much for that, Johnny. These were new as well._

Jack gave a slow smile, and turned back to the wall.

There they sat for hours. James asleep on his little puff of cloud, and Johnny practising his aim with his weapon.

Then, when all seemed quiet, there was a massive BANG.

_Ahhh!_ James screamed, falling off his cloud. Jack jumped up and put his eye to the crack in the wall.

"It's the pearl." He breathed.

**Christ. What's the plan, Jack?**

_Plan? What plan? We are staying here, aren't we Jack?_

**And watch Barbossa sail away AGAIN? You're ma-**

"The Back Pearl?" One of the prisoners interrupted, wide-eyed and looking at Jack. "I've heard stories. She's been preying on ships and settlements for ten years."

"Never leaves any survivors." Another added.

Johnny raised his eyebrows and James sighed. _Oh, the woes of the uneducated._

"No survivors?" Jack echoed. "Then where do the stories come from, I wonder?"

_Oh, don't be mean. _James huffed, as the two men looked confused at one another.

The tree went to the barred window and watched the fight.

**Wish we were out there. **Johnny said gloomily.

_DUCK!_

Jack hurtled out of sight just as a cannon whizzed though the air and blasted a hole in the other cell wall.

**Well, isn't that just bloody brilliant.**

_Be patient Johnny. I'm sure in time we will be able to get out of here, with the proper legal terms. Jack didn't do anything wrong, really-_

**Stop living in a dream world. They all thought he was going to kill that pretty little girl.**

_Well, he didn't. Don't worry Jack; the law is on your side. I promise we will get out of here-_

**Don't want me to tell you what you can do with that promise, do you Jamsey?**

Jack's shoulders dropped as he watched the other prisoners escape. "My sympathies." One jeered as he jumped out. "You've no manner of luck at all."

**LET ME AT HIM! **Johnny roared, trying to run while James clung to the back of his robes.

_He can't even see you, let alone feel you._

Jack picked Johnny up and carefully put him on the ground. The pirate walked over and eyed the hole, too small for him to fit.

James flew out and back in. _God will help._

**Or this dog.**

James and jack turned to see Johnny heaving the large bone through the bars. Jack shrugged.

"What do we have to lose?" He asked the angels. Picking up the bone, he whistled at the dog. "Come on doggy!" He called. "It's just you and old Jack."

_**And us!**_

"Unfortunately." Jack muttered under his breath. "Come on!" He rose his voice. "That's a boy! Get your bone!"

**What an ugly beast!**

_Careful Johnny. That's you reincarnated in a few years._

**You'll be the bone.**

_That's it._ James picked up his harp and whacked Johnny over the head with it. The strings broke and it stayed around Johnny's neck, like some sort of collar. As Johnny roared with anger, James flew out of the bars with Johnny at his heels.

_I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry!_

"Come on, you filthy, slimy mangy characters!" Jack whispered to the angels.

As they turned to glare at him, a loud thud came from behind. The dog whimpered and the angels, forgetting their fight, flew back to the safety of Jack's shoulders.

The dog took off, and Jack called after it, "no-no-n0-no-no-no, I didn't mean it!" He called dejectedly to the dog's retreating behind. "See what you made me do?" He snarled to the angels.

**Jack, he hit me over the head with his stringy thing!**

_He started it._

Jack shushed them as footsteps sounded down the stairs, followed by a guard's body rolling down. Two filthy pirates came after it. One looked around and yelled, "This ain't the armoury!"

James drew in a ragged breath and clung to Jack's vest. Johnny's eye's flashed as he pulled out his tyrant.

**Should I fire?**

"Both of you, stay quiet!" Jack hissed, as the other pirate suddenly noticed him.

"Well, well, well." He sneered, walking towards Jack. "Look what we have here, Twigg. Captain Jack Sparrow!" He spat on Jack's shoes.

_How inappropriate!_

**Know where you can but that spit, eunuch?**

"Last time I saw you," Twigg said, smirking, "you were all alone, on a godforsaken island, shrinking into the distance… his fortunes haven't changed much."

"Worry about your own fortunes, gentlemen." Jack mocked. "The deepest circle of hell is reserved for betrayers, and mutineers."

James stifled a laugh and Johnny high-fived the side of Jack's head.

The other pirate gave a grunt and his hand shot into the cell, grasping Jack's neck. James screamed as the hand turned to rotting bone.

_Now that is disgusting-_

**I'll deal with it. **Johnny jumped off Jack's shoulder and began jumping wildly on the scullion hand. He snapped his fingers and a fireball appeared, but as he scorch the hand the pirate didn't seem to notice.

"Good job trying." Jack muttered out of the side of his mouth. Raising his voice, he said, "So there is a curse. That's …"

**Gross.**

_Showing God works in mysterious ways._

"Interesting." He finished.

"You know nothing of hell." The pirate whispered.

**Well actually mate, I do. Satan's never mentioned you though… must be out of his league.**

The pirate suddenly let go, and both turned and left. Jack watched them go.

"That's very interesting."


	6. Chapter 6

_**I know, I know. I haven't updated for years. Sorry. Christmas has put me in good humour though so I am writing more now. I'll try to be more… consistent with updating. Thanks to my reviewers: moony07, Rabbit's paw, Alel, Captain MeraSparrow (I've been going off subtitles in the movie, apparently they are not reliable) Anonimoose, JackNanamaria, Ogreatrandom and Queenofinsanity. Keep the reviews coming!!!**_

Coz it's been forever, a reminder:_James is italic_and** Johnny is bold**

Jack jiggled the lock once more, frowning with concentration.

**C'mon, man, we've been doing this for hours. **Johnny moaned, laying spread-eagle on the bandana on Jack's head. James let out a great snore, and tumbled off Jack's shoulder.

_Where's the cannon?_ He muttered stupidly. Jack and Johnny opened their mouths to answer, but then stopped. Footsteps boomed down the stairway.

Jack flopped down onto the filth-ridden floor, half squashing James in the process.

**Sucked in, mate.**

_Shut the –_

All three rolled their eyes as Will Turner arrived at the cell.

_Not him again._ James sighed, tugging his hard out from under Jack. He scowled as he surveyed the bent frame and the broken strings.

_Oh, crap._

"You, Sparrow!" Will barked, trying to look imposing.

Jack raised his head nonchalantly. "Aye?"

"You are familiar with that ship, the Black Pearl?"

Johnny hissed under his breath. **Don't tell the bastard anything. He has that shifty look about him. Could be a spy, for all we knew.**

_You think Barbossa would have a spy that risks his life for someone else? A GIRL?_

**All right, all right, point taken. No need to look so happy with yourself.**

"I've heard of it," Jack replied to Will, brushing Johnny off his head.

"Where does it make berth?" He demanded.

"Where does it make berth?" Jack repeated incuriously. "Have you not heard the stories?"

**Jack! As your conscience, I am warning you, don't say anything!**

_Hey! _I'm_ his conscience! You're his temptations!_

**Well, I'm _tempting_ you not to say anything!**

_I actually agree, Jack. You could get in trouble…_

"I know what I'm doing." Jack muttered. "Captain Barbossa, and his crew of miscreants sail from the dreaded Isla de Muerta… it's an island that cannot be found, except… for those who already know where it is."

_You are asking for trouble, my boy…_

"The ships real enough, therefore its anchorage must be a real place. Where is it?"

The angels stared at the blacksmith.

**Figure that one all on your own, did ya?**

Jack laughed. "Why ask me?" He asked, studying Johnny as he did a small hat dance around his removable horns on Jack's knuckles.

James fluttered onto the bars of the cell, and studied Will's face. _He likes this girl Jack. I think we should help hi- that is the worst dance you could possibly learn._

**Luckily for you, I didn't take up pole stripping.**

"Because you're a pirate!" Will spat at Jack, oblivious to the gagging noises James was now making.

"And you want to turn pirate yourself, is that it?" Jack said softly.

**Please. Looks like he'd faint at the first sign of blood.**

He gripped the bars of the cell, sending James tumbling to the ground.

"Never!"

**Touché.**

_Owww…_

Jack watched as Johnny finished his dance, waiting for Will to say more.

He caved. Looking at the ground, he muttered, "They took Miss Swann."

Johnny burst into peels of laughter, falling onto his hands and knees and yelling out when the spike of one of the horns imbedded itself into his palm.

"Oh!" Jack cried, rolling up into a sitting position and squashing James' harp once again.

_Noooooo!!!_

**Owww…**

"So it is that you found a girl. I see. Well, if you intend to brave all, hasten to her rescue, and so, win fair lady's heart, you'll have to do it alone mate. I see no profit in it for me."

_Love thy neighbour as thyself, Jack. And damn it, you owe me a new harp!_

**Thank God it's gone, if I had to hear 'Hark! The Angels Sing' one more time-**

_Do not use the Lords name in vein, you moron!_

"I can get you out of here," Will offered grudgingly.

"Hows that?" Asked Jack. "The keys run off."

"I helped build these cells. These are half-pin barrel hinges. With leverage and the proper application of strength, the door will lift free."

There was silence. Johnny clambered onto Jack's head once more, and peered over Jack's forehead to see him. **Don't you think he looks familiar?**

_Obviously, Jack almost killed him yesterday._

But Johnny raised his eyebrows meaningfully at Jack. Jack gave a slight nod, and then turned his attention to Will. "What's your name?"

Will looked at the pirate suspiciously. "Will Turner."

**I knew it.**

_Knew what?_

Jack lent forward. "That would be short for William, I imagine. Good, strong name. No doubt named for your father, yea?"

_So what, Jack? …Jack?_

Will frowned. "Yes."

_I don't know what's going on, but I think we should help him. Help him find his lady. Maybe you could take a leaf out of his book. Jack. Settle down with a nice girl, have children-"_

"Fine." Jack muttered to James. "Well, Mr Turner, I've changed me mind."

_What!?_

"If you spring me from this cell, I swear, on pain of death, I shall take you to the Black Pearl, and your bonny lass. Do we have an accord?"

_Wait, you're agreeing to what I said?_

Jack gave a slight nod, then gave Will a winning smile. He held his hand out though the bars.

Will hesitated, then shook it. "Agreed."

"Agreed! Get me out!"

_So… we're helping someone… with no thought for ourselves?_

"Yes!" Jack hissed. Johnny smiled, bouncing on the balls of his heels.

_Well, I must say Jack, I am so proud of you. Finally doing what is right for others. If only your father could see you know… why, I'm sure he'd take back that nasty comment he made about you not being fit to lick mud, I'm sure of it! Here, I'll go see if the coast is clear…_

James fluttered off, beaming to himself. Behind him, Jack and Johnny exchanged high-fives.


	7. Chapter 7

So here I am, enjoying a delicious piece of shortbread, and I have an overpowering urge to return to my computer and write more. Who am I to toy with the God's wishes? Thanks so much to the reviewers: peter-pan-equals-luv, moony07, Computerfreak101, Ogreatrandom, Anonimoose and Alel. Keep them coming!!!

luv for the holidays,

hifo x x

The two men sloshed though the large puddles, with James and Johnny clinging onto Jack's beaded hair. They all hid behind a large tree, and Jack surveyed the scene.

Will followed his eyes. "We're going to steal a ship?" He demanded.

_Well, that's a bit rash…_

"_That_ ship?" Will wailed.

**What a loser. Whose idea was it to bring him along?**

"Yours," Jack muttered, but so only Johnny could hear him. Raising his voice, Jack answered Will, "Commandeer. We're going to 'commandeer' that ship. Nautical term."

**Don't use big words with the boy, Jack; the kid's not bright.**

"One question about your business boy, or there's no use going." Jack said over the top of Johnny, "This girl. How far are you willing to go to save her?"

"I'd die for her." Will spat.

"Oh, good." Jack said lightly. "No worries then."

_Very melodramatic, this child. Maybe he will have his feet on the ground after this whole ordeal is over._

**Yeah, we all know what a great role model our Jack is, don't we? **

James was promptly named the lookout. Watching as several navy men ran past; he jumped up and down on the upside-down boat.

_Coast's clear!_ He yelled as the boat began to move, James quickly flew under it and resumed his usual position on Jack's right shoulder once again. _I feel so alive!_

**Coming from an angel, that's saying something.**

_Better than coming from the devil._

**I live every day of me life to the max. Unlike some…**

"What did I say about fighting underwater?" Jack snarled under his breath.

The two sighed. **_T'not to._**

"That's right. Now both of you shut up. Don't want to look … unstable in front of the kid."

The two angels turned to look at 'the kid'. He was looking around, looking half terrified. "This is either madness, or brilliance," He said.

"It's remarkable how often those two traits coincide," Jack remarked.

Johnny turned to look at James. **I'm bored.**

James sighed. _Find a way to entertain yourself then._

Johnny grinned. **'Kay.** He quickly swam down, and pulled a wooden anchor just in front of Will. Johnny surfaced; laughing as Will stepped into the wooden box.

_How mature._

"Everyone out." Jack announced as they reached the underside of the looming ship. The two angels flew up, and watched as the two men scaled the side of the ship.

The angels reclaimed their positions on Jack's shoulders once again. James sidled over to Jack's ear.

_Are you sure this is the best way to get what you want? _

"Hey," Jack muttered back. "Trying to help a poor soul in need here."

_I think there is better ways to go about-_

"Everyone stay calm!" Jack announced to the crew, "We're taking over the ship."

"Aye!" Will added, drawing up his sword. "Avast!"

**This is so embarrassing. This idiot reads 'Treasure Island' a few times and thinks he can play with the big kids? Please.**

_Best to let the child find his true identity…_

**Everyone's laughing at us!**

A crewmember spoke over the laughs, "This ship cannot be crewed by two men. You'll never make it out of the bay."

"Son…" Jack said, pulling out his gun, "I'm Captain Jack Sparrow. Savvy?"

The angels watched, Johnny with high amusement and James with horror, as the men hurried off the ship and into one of the little lifeboats.

"You two could help!" Jack roared to the two angels. Will looked at him with a slash of fascination, curiosity and panic, but did not comment.

The angels knew what to do. They both flew over to the ship wheel, and gripped a side each.

**What do you think you're doing? Tortuga's west.**

_It is not, its west._

**I think I've been there a few more times then you, matey.**

_What would you know? I'm the only sober one coming back._

**Your halo's on too tight.**

_I'll tell you what's too tight-_

As the angels fought, Will and Jack looked after the sails. Will glanced over towards the bay. "Here they come." He said shortly.

Jack glanced over at the ship coming towards them. And grinned.

As the Interceptor drew closer, Jack hastily grabbed the angels from the wheel and crouched down with Will, near a few barrels. They all watched as the Navy all flooded the boat.

**What's the plan?**

_Do we even have one?_

"I always have a plan." Jack replied. "Hold onto my hair."

"Excuse me?" Will asked, shocked.

"The ropes mate, the ropes." He handed one to Will, and clung to the other himself. The angels clung to the salt-mangled dreadlocks. "Ready boys?"

**As always.**

_Be care-_

Jack swung gracelessly onto the _Interceptor_, with Will close behind him. Cutting off the ropes, He forced the boat forward, making the plank in between the two ships crash into the sea.

The angels settled themselves onto Jack's hat as he took the wheel. James watched in shock as a navy man swung over to the _Interceptor,_ only to splash into the ocean below.

_Quick! Save him Jack!_

"I'm not saving anybody, thanks very much." Jack muttered to the angel.

_You saved that young lady…_

"Yeah, well… she was hot."

_Unbelievable._

**They're furious now, Jacko.**

Jack glanced back, grinning as he surveyed the angry faces of the navy men. He Pulled off his hat, making James take flight in terror, with Johnny clinging to his robes.

"Thank you Commodore, for getting us ready to make way!" Jack yelled back, oblivious to Johnny's weight causing James' robes to rip open.

Johnny howled with laughter. **No wonder you pledged you wouldn't marry…**

"We'd have had a hard time by ourselves." He continued, ignoring Johnny's yelps as James caught him in a frogmarch and smashed him to the wooden deck.

**Get off me, you fu-**

_Jack, they're shooting at us!_

Johnny pulled himself out of the angel's clutches and backhanded him, causing his halo to fly off the top of his head and slam into the mast.

_Halo, harp… I tell you, my pay is not that good. Luckily I have insurance on these items, I shall be sending them a letter._

**Insurance companies don't pay for stuff that you broke 'cause you're stupid.**

James scowled at his co-worker, and snapped his fingers. A roll of parchment appeared, and James whipped out a pair of overlarge glasses. _Section two fifty-eight, paragraph two, section four,_ he said, scrolling down the paper, _Under the heading: Circumstances We Cover: 'If an angelic item (wings, robes, halo, bible, harp etc) is damaged, THI The Holy Insurance will cover the following circumstances: sky crashes, mortals unintentionally/intentionally stepping, trodding, rolling, punching, biting, throwing, sitting and/or sitting on an angelic item, fire damage, flood, devils intentionally setting alight, roasting, bonfire-ing, playing with and/or trying to harm an angel and therefore breaking/damaging an angelic item, and freak accidents (see section seventy nine, section eighteen on 'junkyard dogs, guns that think for themselves and physio rats).' So ha! _Thus _Johnny – Johnny, are you listening?_

Johnny squinted at James suspiciously. **What's a paragraph?**

_Oh, never mind._


	8. Chapter 7 and a half

Thanks so much for all the reviews. So Johnny, James and I give LittleFlowerLei, Alel, Kei-Ookami.kara.mori, Chicaga, Sparrow's Swann, iamanundeadmonkey,Ogreatrandom, Anonimoose, peter-pan-eguals-luv, Computerfreak101, Writing Woman and HelenaHermione all Chrismas cookies. Thanks!!!

To let in the new year, I have made a half chapter. A half chapter, by the hifotionary, is : n; a chapter that the writer could not be stuffed making into a full-lengthed one. So enjoy!!!

hifo xx

So off the ship sailed, out into the wide, blue sea. James sat at a tiny desk he had conquered up for himself, drafting a letter to his insurance company. Johnny had lit the tips of his tyrant, and was attempting to write his name with the light of the fire.

Will sat on the deck, telling a long-winded story. "When I was a lad living in England," He told Jack, "My mother raised me by herself. After she died I came out here, looking for my father."

**When will it end? **Johnny moaned, cursing as he had only reached the h before the letters had run out.

Jack gave him a warning look, and then turned his attention back to Will. "Is that so?" Asked Jack boredly, checking the ropes. _He_ wanted a weapon that could write in fire-letters.

"My father, Bill-"

**JAMES, LOOK! **Johnny suddenly screamed, pointing out to the horizon. James jumped, upsetting the inkbottle on his desk.

_What is it?_

**It's a flying horse! Look, just there! Can you see it?**

_No-_

**Well,** said Johnny loudly, glancing worriedly at Jack, and giving a meaningful look. But Jack wasn't paying attention to Johnny; his attention was focused on Will. **Well, I think you should look a bit harder, Jamsey. It's just there, can't you see it? Maybe if you flew us up to the mast…**

_Johnny, there isn't-_

**JUST TAKE US UP THERE, WOULD YOU?**

_Fine, fine. Keep your horns on. Let's go…_

James flew them up to the crow's nest, and they both looked out over the azure ocean.

_There's nothing there. I think the sun could be getting to your head- what's Jack doing?_

The angels glanced down at the deck. Will seemed to be holding onto a mask, over the ocean. Jack was at the wheel, holding a sword. James swooped down, with Johnny clinging to his heels.

**I don't think this is a great idea… why not let Jack deal with this on his own, hey?**

James looked at Johnny suspiciously, and resumed his spot on Jack's shoulder.

_What's going on?_

Jack ignored him, and continued addressing Will. "So me for example," he said, "I can let you drown. But I can't bring this ship into Tortuga all by me onesies, savvy?"

**And what are we, no more useful than a one-pronged fork?**

_Some of us…_

"So," Jack said, spinning the wheel again and letting Will drop to the deck, "Can you sail under the command of a pirate? Or can you not?"

Will took the sword Jack offered him, and asked, "Tortuga?"

Jack grinned. "Tortuga."

As Will left, James frowned at Jack. _What was all that about? What aren't you telling me?_

"Ah…"

**LOOK! I've got it this time! **Johnny yelled, holding his tyrant once more. He spelt out his name, and there it glittered in fire-sparks for a few seconds before it was extinguish from the wind. **Wasn't that fantastic?!**

_Great._ James said scathingly. _Except for one thing._

_**And what's that, matey?**_

_You spell 'Johnny'_ _with_ two '_n's._


	9. Chapter 8

_**Hi all. Happy birthday to me, happy birthday to me… my birthday was 3 days ago, and did I receive gifts from any of you? NO I DID NOT! (Well, I might not have known my birthday was on the THIRD OF MARCH, but you should. Lol) so yes, on the THIRD OF MARCH it was my birthday. From my friend Bizzy125, Chileen and Beck I am inspired to write more. Thank you to my faithful reviewers: Computerfreak101, Chicaga, moony07, Anonimoose, Ogreatrandom, Alel, Queenofsanity, Princess.Jack.N.Anamaria (changed your name AGAIN? God, I can barely keep up!) Writing Woman, Barbaro's Angel, HelenaHermione and Chileen (love you!)**_

_**And yes, I did mean triton. Sorry about that. Tyrant is actually a god in Greek mythology, and obviously Johnny isn't throwing him around. So yes. Triton, not tyrant. **_

_Idiot. You should pay attention in English class. Mrs Walker taught you this last week._

_**Oh, shut up James. I was playing noughts and crosses with Johnny.**_

**Atta girl**

_**Anywho, on with the show!**_

Jack, Will and the angels staggered up onto the balcony, now in Tortuga.

_You know I hate this place, Jack. _James huffed, wincing as someone slopped run over his head.

**I think it's great. **Johnny eyed the blonde girl swinging on the balcony. **Now she is fine.**

_Yes, it's a real shame you're two inches tall._

Jack laughed and high-fived James. _Oh, yes! I never get high fives!_

"What are you doing?" Will asked suspiciously, watching as Jack high-fived the air.

"Ah… It's a sad life," Jack said, pretending he couldn't hear, "that has never breathed deep the sweet, proliferous bouquet that is Tortuga. Savvy?"

The angels rolled their eyes. _Yes Johnny, imagine the sad life you would leave without Tortuga._

**Yeah Jack, who do think you are? Effing Shakespeare?**

"Who?" Jack muttered.

Johnny looked at James exasperatedly. **Tell you what; these pirates are beginning to piss me off. **

_Know nothing about the twenty-first century._

**Yea, I know! My last job was Anna Nicole Smith. **He grinned. **Now that was fun.**

James shook his head. _My last job was Mother Teresa._

Johnny nodded thoughtfully. **We've both done a pretty good job, eh?**

_Best in the business, old friend. _And the angels did their secret handshake and listened to Jack once more.

"…No man would ever feel unwanted." He was saying.

**JACK! **Johnny bellowed, causing the captain to flinch. **IT'S HER?**

_Which one?_

All four turned to see a redheaded woman walk up to them. "Scarlet!" Jack cried, hurrying up to her. She slapped him. Hard.

_Violence isn't the answer! _Jack called out to her retreating back.

"Not sure if I deserved that." Jack said bitterly.

Johnny smirked at him. **'Member that night? That was fun.**

_It was disgusting._

Johnny nodded knowingly at James. **You were lookin'.**

_I was not! I had fainted, due to the smell._

**You did not. You were peeping out of your eyelashes, which are quite long, I must say.**

_I was not, and I do not! _He turned to Jack accusingly. _Who rolls around in pig fat while doing it anyway?_

"You only wished you'd've thought of it fir – Giselle!"

The blonde smiled coyly. "Who was she?"

"What?"

SLAP.

"I may have deserved that." Jack informed Will. He turned to James. "What'd I tell her again?"

_That you would marry her._

**Then slept with the two sisters.**

_At the same time._

Jack smirked. "That's right."

"Who are you talking to?" Will asked suspiciously.

"Ah… you. Let's go."

**Good save.**

_No, it wasn't._

After Jack and co woke up Gibbs; they made their way to the pub. He got the drinks, and paused for a second.

_What's wrong?_

Jack flicked James in the stomach, sending him hurtling into a glass of rum on the other side of the room.

"I have to talk to you." Jack muttered to Johnny.

**Talk away, my friend. **

"Keep him away from Gibbs and me for a while. We have to… discuss a few things. So… distract him, ok?"

**Distract is my middle name.**

Jack frowned. "I thought it was Hector."

Johnny waved a fist in Jack's direction. **You promised you would never talk about that.**

"Sorry. So get rid of him, Aye?"

**Aye.**

Johnny glided over to James, who stood up in the mug, wings dripping with rum.

_He's getting the dry-cleaning bill. _He muttered darkly, wringing out the left one.

**Yeah… yeah, he's sorry about that. So… why not drink some?**

_What, this? No!_

**Why not? It tastes real good.**

_It's someone else's. And it's an unholy substance._

Johnny threw up his arms. **It's not an 'unholy substance'! It's rum!**

James rolled his eyes. _Really, I would rather not._

**No, I really think you… should! **Johnny suddenly held James in a frogmarch-grip and shoved him under-rum.

A stream of bubbles appeared at the surface, then, nothing. Johnny released, and James bobbed up moments later.

_Wow!_ He said, licking the drops off his face. _That IS good!_

**I know! **Johnny exclaimed. **Hey, wanna play drinking games?**

_What are they?_

**Well, I'm pretty sure we see who can drink the most.**

_Interesting… bet I can win._

**Bet you ca-glug-glug-glug.**

_No fair! You started before me!_

The only response James got was a shrug of shoulders. So he dove his head under the rum, determined to win.

Jack walked over to the angels a few hours later. James sat, splay-legged, leaning against the empty glass with his halo over one eye.

"You both drank all that?" Jack said incuriously, pointing to the empty mug that towered over the angels.

Johnny hiccuped in response.

Jack smirked, and carefully picked up the angels between his thumb and finger and placed them in his pocket.

_Why is it so dark?_

**We're in hell. Home sweet home.**

_I had my –hiccup! - Suspicions._

A/N: Just a note saying I do not want to disrespect Mother Teresa or Anna Nicole. So yes. R.I.P.

Hifo x x


	10. Chapter 9

Well, I don't know what happened to my reviewers. But please review! I do like them! Thanks to Chileen, Biz and purplediamond7. So yes. Review!!!

hifo x x

_I have a great joke_, James announced as Gibbs led them down to the dock, where a line of men stood.

**Didn't realise ya knew what one was.**

_Oh, ha ha. No, it's really good. You ready?_

"Let's hear it then," Jack muttered. Will looked at him strangely, and took a small step away from him.

"_Ok. It is hilarious. Well, two pieces of go to the park. They are having such fun until one string decides to go on the roundabout. The string feels really dizzy and falls off, scraping across the ground and making as tangled and falling in a heap. The second string looked at him and said "you're not very good on that roundabout are you?" and the first string looked at himself and, _He paused dramatically_, said "I'm a frayed knot". Ha! Get it?_

**I wish I didn't.**

"Please don't talk anymore," Jack growled, rolling his eyes.

Will looked dumbfounded. "I wasn't talking…" He said slowly.

_You people have no humour._

Gibbs gestured at the small gathering. "Feast your eyes, Captain," He announced. "All of them, faithful hands before the mast. Every man, worth his salt. And crazy to boot." he added as an afterthought.

_I certainly hope they are not contagious._

**As long as they don't tell jokes, we'll be fine.**

"So this," Will said, disgusted, "Is your ambled body crew."

**Negative little sap, isn't he? Get some bones, boy!**

_Quick, _James said, poking Jack in his neck with his elbow_, convince him. He has doubts. Oh, how sweet it is to see young people in love…_

"You, sailor!" Jack said quickly, cutting James off.

"Cotton, sir," Gibbs supplied quickly.

**We trust someone who's named after a bit of fluff? Ohh, I feel safe.**

"Mr Cotton," Jack said, stepping forward, "Do-you-have-the-courage-and-fortitude-to-follow-orders-and-stay-true-in-the-face-of-danger-and-almost-certain-death?"

A silence followed.

**Why isn't he talking? **Johnny stage-whispered.

_He might be sh-_

"Mr Cottons!" Jack barked. "Answer man!"

_Jack! Other's feelings? We have talked about this-_

**No, you talked about this. Jack was raiding that little village, remember?**

_No, no I don-_

"He's a mute, sir." Gibbs said. "Poor devil had his tongue cut out, so he trained his parrot to talk for him."

**Ah… how?**

"No one's yet figured how."

James and Johnny looked at each other, astonished.

**How'd he hear me?**

_I don't know. Better keep a low profile then. We cannot be seen by others, you know that._

**Low profile. Right. **So Johnny climbed under Jack's hat.

"Mr Cottons … parrot," Jack said, wincing as Johnny yanked at his dreads. "Same question."

"Wind in your sails! Wind in your sails!" The parrot cawed.

_Hmm. That's interesting._

**That bird better not come on board with us! **Johnny's muffled voice came out of Jack's hat. **You know how I feel about birds, Jack.**

_Remember when that owl tried to eat you?_

**No, no I don't.**

"Mostly we figure that means yes." Gibbs informed Jack.

James walked over to Jack's hat. _Cawww. _He said softly. _CAWWW!_

**AHHHHH!!! **Johnny burst into noisy tears. **IT'S GONNA EAT MEEEE!**

"Of course it does!" Jack said to Gibbs over Johnny's hysterical sobs. "Satisfied?" He snarled to James, who was crying with laughter.

"Well," Will said, "You've proved they're mad."

_Who's he talking to?_

"Insane." Jack muttered back. "The kid talks to himself."

"And what's the benefit for us?" A voice shouted out.

**I...is it a ghost?**

Jack slowly walked towards the speaker, and pulled up her hat to reveal Anamaria.

_AHHHHH!!! _James screamed, and dove under the hat with Johnny.

**Was I right? A ghost?**

_Close enough._

"Anamaria!" Jack said, giving her his most charming smile. The angels jolted as Jack's head swung back.

"I suppose you think you didn't deserve that one either." Will said.

"No, that one I deserved."

"You stole. My. Boat!" She shouted.

**Damn. I thought she might have forgotten it. Anyway, is that bird gone?**

"Actually-" The angels jolted again as Jack's head slammed back once more.

_Hey!_

**Cut it out!**

_That reminds me, I have another joke-_

"Borrowed!" Jack said loudly. "Borrowed, without permission, but with every intention of bringing it back."

"But you didn't!" She howled.

**Well, I wouldn't say that was true-**

_I don't think sending the remains back in a cigarette box would count as 'returning it', would you?_

**I think that was my idea, actually.**

"You'll get another one!" Jack said wildly.

"I will."

"A better one." Will informed her. Johnny poked his head out of Jack's hat.

**Did I miss the memo giving him permission to talk?**

"A better one!" Jack agreed.

"That one!"

"**_What one?"_** The angels and Jack demanded. They followed Will's line of vision to see the boat they had just stolen, rocking gently on the sea.

"That one?" Jack growled.

**But all that energy… stealing it… and we're wasting it on her?**

"Aye." Jack said. "That one. What say you?"

"Aye!" She shouted.

"Aye!" The crew chorused. And they all ran off.

**Don't worry matie. We'll drown her at the next Port.**

_Caw…_

**Stop it!**

"No no no," Gibbs said, shaking his head at Jack. "It's frightful bad luck to bring a woman aboard, sir."

Jack shook his head. "It'll be far worse not to have her."

"So," Will said, "Can I steer her out?"

_That reminds me of this joke-_

"No!" Jack and Johnny screamed.

"Alright," Will said, shocked. "I was just asking."


	11. Chapter 10

Thank you all so much for my reviews, I appreciate it! Johnny is now trying to write all your names with his trident. I shall help him spell:

Thanks to: purplediamond7, iamanundeadmonkey, Chicaga, HelenaHermionie, Littleflowerlei, Ogreatrandom (thanks for reviewing twice!) Jack's Savvy Lass, Queenofinsanity, JollyVenturer (I would NEVER give up!) , moony07, Chileen and WritingWoman. Thank you all so, so much!!!

have a great day, love from

hifo x x

PS. I skipped the storm and Gibbs telling Will about Jack's escape, because… because… oh crap, WHAT DO YOU PEOPLE WANT OF ME?!?

The small boat rocked quietly as Jack slowly rowed it down the passage. James was quite exicted, as his new harp and halo had come from The Holy Insurance company. Johnny was sulking, as both angelic items were quite shiny.

_Ohh, this halo is a Virtuous-2000. I didn't know they even still made them in this make!_

**Why do angels get shiny stuff? My triton is all rusty, and you can see your face in that stuff? What if I have a hair emergency, huh? But oh no, Devil Suppliers incoperated don't think of that, do they?**

_I think you mean trident._

**Is it my fault the author can't spell?**

"What code did Gibbs say to keep to if the worst should happen?" Will suddenly asked.

"Pirate's code," Jack informed him shortly. "Any man who falls behind, is left behind."

**Great job, jack. Scare him off before we get there.**

"No heroes amonst thieves." Will said to himself.

**Hey! Pirating is an honest living-**

_Oh, shut up. Pirating is not honest, and you know it._

"You know for having such a bleak outlook on pirates," Jack told James, "you're well on your way to becoming one."

_What do you mean? _James demanded.

"Sprug a man from jail-"

_When?_

**You've got jack out heaps of times. Remember when you struck your halo in that lock? We got out then.**

_I don't remember. _He said huffily.

"commandeered a ship of the fleet,"

_I only helped._

"Sailed with a buccaneer crew out of Tortuga…"

_Well, that was hardly my choice-_

"And you're completely obsessed with treasure."

_I like shiny things._

**Me too! Hey, can I just look at your halo-**

_Over my dead body, bastard. _

"That's not true," Will spat, getting out of the boat. "I am not obsessed with treasure."

**This kid seems to think everything's about him, doesn't he?**

_Not like you at **all**._

**I know!**

"Not all treasure is silver and gold, mate." Jack breathed.

**Oh, good cover.**

_Yes Jack, quick thinking._

The four peered over the ledge, at Elizabeth standing with her hands behind her back and looking petrified. Barbossa was giving an impressive speech.

"Elizabeth," Will whispered.

**Oh, how pathetic.**

They watched as Barbossa got his crew riled up and angry.

"What are you doing?" Jack hissed at Johnny.

Johnny peered out from the forest of Jack's dreadlocks. **I'm scared.**

"Where's that music coming from?" Will muttered. Jack gave Jamesd a warning glance, and he stopped playing his hard.

_I was just tuning it._

"Every piece of the treasure we have returned," Barbossa yelled. "Save for this!" And he pointed to Elizabeth.

"Jack!" Will cried, going to scramble over. The angels screamed as Jack yanked Will down, snarling, "not yet!"

**Did you see that?**

_What?_

"We have to wait for the opportune moment," he hissed, getting up and walking back down the slope.

"When's that?" Will demanded. "When it's the greatest profit to you?"

**The monkey heard us.**

_What, scream?_

**Yeah!**

"May I ask you something?" Jack asked. "Have I ever given you reason not to trust me?"

**Well, seeing as though you're lying to him-**

_What?_

**Nothing. Nothing at all. I'm rambling. Anywho, the monkey heard us!**

_Of coarse it did. Animals can hear shoulder angels. Duh._

"Do us a favour. I know it's difficult for you, but please, stay here. And try not to do anything… stupid."

**Probably the best bet would be not to breathe.**

Jack and the angels walked off, and watched Barbossa continue to make his long-winded speech.

**Son of a bitch.**

_Don't do anything … rash, jack. He will get his punishment on the Judgement day, like everyone else._

**He's immoral, you loser. That means he won't die.**

_Don't give me an English lesson, you barbaric, insolent mischievous sprite._

**Why's he talking in a different language, Jack?**

Jack shrugged, and opened his mouth. "He's just jealous he doesn't get a fire trydent-"

But Jack didn't get to finish his sentence. For the second time in two days, he was knocked out.


	12. Chapter 11

Hi everybody! Thank you to my reviewers: Princess.Jack.N.Princess, Ogreatrandom, bizy125, iamanundeadmonkey, WritingWoman, purplediamond7, Queenofinsanity, Jolly-Venturer (thanks so much for doing that! I joined deviant art, I'm now Alannah-the-pirate. coolest place I have ever been. Yes, ur guesses are dead on. Both look just like Johnny Depp. Think secret window for James and chocolat for Johnny), peter-pan-equals-luv, HelenaHermionie and chillidog.

hifo

x x

_Ohh, my head…_

**That's the second time. Bloody hell…**

"He got us again," Jack muttered, dragging a hand through his dreadlocks and knocking a few beads on the floor.

_You know, if he keeps doing that, I don't think we should be helping him at all._

**Aw, really?**

_This is no time to be sarcastic, Jonathon._

**WHAT HAVE I SAID ABOUT CALLING ME THAT?**

Johnny hurled his triton at James. James screamed as his wings were set alight.

"Not again," Jack said, picking James up by his hair and dunking him in the water. A trail of smoke curled up to them, along with a stream of bubbles.

**Are you alright?** Johnny asked caringly as Jack pulled James up, spluttering.

_Clouds, why does heaven have clouds? Why not unlimited supplies of water to put out the flames? Tell you what, God wasn't thinking then…_

**Flames are pretty cool.**

_Apart from that whole burning for eternity thing Satan has going._

**Hey, we have heaps of cool things down there. Escalators, air-conditioning, wide-screen TV's…**

Jack squinted suspiciously at Johnny. "You condition the air?" He asked.

James scowled at Johnny. _Why do you have all that? We just got a popcorn machine, and that's only in the management lounge…_

**A retired engineer just came, and is building all kinds of stuff.**

_Well, he should come to heaven. I should have a word with the Lord about this._

**Hey, you're not getting him! Emmett's awesome. He said he'll build us a camera next! A digital one!**

_That's not fair! We'll sue you!_

Johnny burst into peels of laughter. **Oh, that's rich. Where are you lot gonna get a lawyer? **

"So to me, that was all like blah, blah blah, blah blah…" Jack muttered, staggering up to meet his old crew.

All of them stopped and stared at Jack. "You," Ragetti gasped.

**Yes, yes, it is I. Fear not, you all can come to hell soon as soon as this curse is lifted…**

"You're supposed to be dead!" Pintel cried.

"Am I not?" Jack asked, looking at himself carefully. He shrugged, and turned to leave only to be faced with a number of guns and pointy things.

"Pearlie…" Jack said slowly.

_Ohh, that word? Oh goodness, what is it?_

**Pineapple?**

"Pulu-li-la-la-lulu…"

**Nah, that's not it.**

_Parnif?_

"Parlili,"

**Pinnice?**

_Perloshie?_

"Parsnip, parsley…"

**Donkey?**

"Partner…"

"Parley?" Ragetti asked.

"That's the one!" Jack cried, sounding excited. "Parley!"

Pintell looked excited, but looked to the ground as all the crew gave him filthy looks.

"Parley?" Pintel growled. "Damn to the depths whatever muttonhead thought of parley!"

**Is he paying out the depths? **Johnny asked furiously.

_Jack, didn't you make up parley?_

"That would be the French." Jack corrected James.

**Hey Jack, look.**

Jack and Johnny looked up to see Barbossa walking towards them. James sucked in his breath and fainted.

**James? **Johnny asked curiously, jumping down and poking James in the ribs. Jack smiled and kicked the two of them in-between his feet.

"How the blazes did you get off that island?" Barbossa demanded.

**James? Buddy?**

"When you marooned me on that godforsaken spit of land, you forgot one very important thing, mate."

**Talk to me!**

"I'm Captain Jack Sparrow."

**HE'S GONE! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!**

"Ah, well, I won't be making that mistake again." Barbossa sneered, walking over to Jack. Only Johnny's sobs broke the silence (Well, to Jack, because on one else could hear the angels.)

**WHAT WILL I DO WITHOUT YOU?**

"Gents, you all remember Captain Jack Sparrow." Barbossa leered to the crew.

"Aye." Everyone agreed.

**Wait, he's breathing! James, YOU'RE ALIVE!**

_I was already dead, you moron._

**I was so worried!**

_Yes, yes…_

"Kill him."

The crew drew their guns. James fainted again.

"The girl's blood didn't work, did it?" Jack asked.

Barbossa paused, then span. "Hold your fire!" He spat. He looked at Jack carefully. "You know whose blood we need." He said quietly.

Jack gave a slow smile. "I know whose blood you need." He said, half-concealing a laugh.

**James? James? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!**


	13. Chapter 12

"So you expect to leave me stranded on some beach with nothing but a name and your word it's the one I need, and watch you sail away in my ship?" Barbossa asked Jack.

**Mwa-ha ha ha ha!**

_What are you doing?_

**This is my evil laugh. Go on, try it.**

_Oh, I don't know. I don't really do the whole evil thing._

**You know you want to.**

_Hee hee hee._

**Oh good lord.**

_Hop hop hop._

**What are you, evil sound effects for bunnies?**

_I hate you._

"No," Jack replied to Barbossa. "I expect to leave you standing on some beach with absolutely no name at all, watching me sail away on my ship, and then I'll shout the name back to you. Savvy?"

_I don't want to give him the name at all. He's malevolent._

**Nah, he's just a bastard.**

_I think you need a few English lessons, my friend._

"But that still leaves me with the problem of me standing on some beach with naught but a name and your word it's the one I need."

_Should have thought of that before you left us on that island._

**Ah, we mustn't make fun of others.**

_woah, role reversal._

**Yeah, well. Didn't you hear about the dyslexic devil?**

_I can't say I have._

**He sold his soul to Santa. **

"Of the two of us," Jack said to Barbossa, grinning at James' befuddled expression, "I am the only one who hasn't committed mutiny. Therefore, my word is the one we'll be trusting."

**I think you're trustworthy Jack.**

"Thank you!" Jack exclaimed. Turning to James, he hissed, "Johnny's my favourite angel."

_What?!_

"Although," Jack said to Barbossa, "I suppose I should be thanking you because, in fact, if you hadn't betrayed me and left me to die, I would have an equal share in that curse, same as you. "

_See? You are obviously on the The Lord's good side-_

**Or he could just be lucky.**

"Funny old world, isn't it?" Jack asked the angels.

_Let's just reminisce about that for a while._

**Why do we have to pay the memory?**

_That's remittance, you moron. Honestly, is English your first language?_

**I can talk in Japanese, Spanish, Italian, German, American-**

_Anything besides sware words?_

**silence**

_I didn't think so._

Suddenly the monkey jumped onto the table, and with a squeal, ran out of the room.

**I think you scared him away.**

_Oh, be quiet. You obviously scared him away with your strange fire ball-type things._

Jack and Barbossa jumped up and ran after the monkey. James grabbed onto the monkey's tail and went wizzing off.

_Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee…._

**Yo, Jack! Look over there!**

Jack looked. Looming just behind them was _the Interseptor. _He hurried up the stairs and stood in front of Barbossa's telescope.

"I'm having a thought here, Barbossa," Jack said hopefully.

_Wooooooooooooooo……_

"What say we run up a flag of truce, I scurry over to the Interceptor, and I negotiate the return of your medallion, hey?"

**Good, good. How could he turn down an offer like that?**

"Now see Jack, that's exactly the attitude that lost you the black Pearl. People are easier to negotiate with when they're dead. Lock him in the brig."

**Is that a maybe?**

A few men seized Jack and carted him off.

_whooooooooooo-where are you going? Come back! Come back- oh my Lord, I can't walk straight. Oh, oh… ow, there's a pole. Wait…._

One of the men shoved Jack into a cell.

"Apparently there's a leak," Jack commented to the man's retreating back.

_Oh…_ James dizzily flew over and plopped down on Jack's shoulder. _Let me tell you this: never ride a monkey._

**That could be interpreted a number of ways.**

Jack walked around the cell and bent down. There was a small hole in the wall. James and Johnny pressed their faces closely to Jack's for a better view.

_Look at all those barrels…_

**You've had your go, monkey boy, move over.**

"What are they doing?" jack muttered. The three watched as the other ship pulled alongside them.

_What…?_

Suddenly the air was filled with deafening booms. The ship quaked as 'stuff' was fired from both ends.

_Oh my Lord, the violence involved!_

**DIE, BASTARDS, DIE!!!**

Jack abruptly threw himself and the angels to the soggy ground. A second later, a canon sailed threw their looking hole.

"STOP BLOWING HOLES IN ME SHIP!" Jack cried.

Gibbs's drinking casket lay in the water. Jack looked at it hopefully and lifted it to his lips, looking disappointed at the lack of liquid.

_If you're thirsty, there is plently of water here._

**Hey, look at this.**

James and Jack looked up. Johnny stood in the doorframe, smiling triumphantly. Jack stood and opened the door, sneaking away.

_Maybe we could just wait til someone comes and gets us…_

**And then maybe Jack could take up the job position of the tooth fairy.**


	14. Chapter 14

Hi everybody, sorry for the lack of updates. Also I apologise for not thanking everyone in my last chapter, so I'll thank all of you now: Bizzy125 x2, purplediamond7, Jewelieishness,Orgreatrandom x2, JollyVenturer, ladyAlyafaelyn, Writingwoman x2, HelenaHermionie x2, iamanundeadmonkey, HeavenHero x2, Queenofinsanity x2, inwe a., and Vampiress19.

OMG, DID YOU ALL SEE POTC 3??? And the SHOULDER ANGELS??? THAT WAS MY IDEA FIRST???????????

I should SO get a paycheck any day now. MWHAHAHAHAHA, I'M WITH DISNEY, BABY!

**cough** anywho. On with the show.

Well, as always, Jack escaped the brig. He has given the authoress strict instructions not to tell you how he escaped, for fear of small children trying it and parents suing us for damage control.

_Jack, it's not safe anywhere._

**Better to be overboard mate, this life is done.**

"The trouble with you two," Jack said, running up onto the deck and looking around, "Is that you both know exactly where you're going when you die. I don't."

_Heaven._

**Hell.**

_What do you know?_

**bloody more then you-**

_Shut up Johnny._

**you shut up, you bastard.**

_cur._

**Ohh, there's an intimidating word-**

_Never say words you can't spell-_

A man came hurtling over the side of the ship. Jack reached out calmly and took his rope.

"Thanks very much," Jack said over his shoulder. "Hang on," He warned the angels, jumping on the rope and swinging over to the other ship.

**Why are we goin' over here?**

"They're winning."

_You can tell?_

Jack hit the deck, and turned to face a dazed Gibbs.

"Jack!" Gibbs said, stunned.

**Gibbs!**

_Johnny!_

**James!**

_Names all around!_

Jack reefed out Gibbs's bottle and handed it back to him. "Bloody empty!" He snorted, walking off, with the angels still yelling random names.

**Will!**

_Elizabeth!_

**Barbossa!**

_Monkey!_

"Find something to do!" Jack hissed at them.

**Oh look, a twig trying to fight.**

_Let's hope a gust of wind doesn't come our way._

Jack turned to see Elizabeth trying to fight off a could of pirates. Johnny looked over at James, impressed. James clamped a hand over his mouth.

_I didn't mean it, it just slipped out…_

**Didn't know you had a mean streak in you, Jamesey.**

_She's just so skinny, you'd think her boyfriend would try and take her out for a meal every now and then…_

Jack grabbed the hand of the pirate about to slash Elizabeth.

"That's not very nice," Jack said reprimanding him.

Elizabeth held the end of her gun and rammed it into the pirate's face.

_wow._

**She packs a punch for an anorexic chick.**

Jack grabbed Elizabeth by the shoulders and dragged her down near some crates. "Where's the medallion?" He demanded.

"Wretch!" She screamed, pulling up a hand to slap Jack.

**Oh no. **Johnny said boredly. **Please don't. With muscles like those, you could kill us.**

Jack grabbed her wrist, eyeing the bandage smugly. "Ah," He said, "where is dear William?"

**Oh, come on Jack. We could shag someone twice her size for a little extra cash…**

_She could be your daughter!_

Elizabeth looked confused, as if she had forgotten who William was. Then she looked horrified. "Will," she muttered, jumping off and running away.

**Look, James, it's your friend.**

Jack glanced over to see the monkey running off with the medallion. "Monkey!" he yelped, jumping up and running after it. Both monkey and pirate rushed across the beam that had fallen, making bridge between each ship. James flew ahead and caught hold of the monkey's tail.

_Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee…….._

Jack reached out to grab him, and glanced up. The monkey was sitting on Barbossa's shoulder.

"Why thank you Jack," Barbossa said smugly.

James, swinging on the monkey's tail, glanced up at the speaker, let out a small squeak and fainted, letting go of the monkey and falling into the ocean.

Jack motioned silently with his head, and Johnny flew after him.

"You're welcome," Jack replied to Barbossa.

"Not you," Barbossa said, "we named the monkey Jack."

Johnny flew back to his shoulder, James lolling in his arms.

"Gents," Barbossa yelled to the crew, holding up the medallion, "Our hope is restored!"

The crew screamed out their approval. Jack smiled absent-mindedly, eyeing Johnny as he fanned James's face.

_Well, this certainly is a bit of a pickle._

**Well observed, Sherlock.**

"Who?" Jack muttered, wincing as the rope dug into his flesh.

"Any of you so much as thinks as using the word "parley", I'll have your guts for garters!"

**Done that.**

_what so you mean?_

Johnny yanked down his pants to reveal a dozen intestines tied around his leg.

_Ewww!! Who are they?_

**Well, this one is Princess Diana's, and these are the Beaumont children, and this is the Chamberlain kid…**

_Why do you have their intestines though?_

**You don't think they just disappeared or died, do you?**

_I think I'm going to be sick-_

James was interrupted by an enormous bang. Everyone turned to see the ship blow up.

Elizabeth stared in horror. "you godless pirate!" She screamed, jumping on Barbossa's back.

**Skinny girl strikes again.**

_You would think she would realise that she isn't going to hurt a murderous pirate, don't you?_

"Lizzy, Lizzy," Jack muttered to himself. "sometimes it's just better to stay still."

Barbossa surprise surprise managed to get a grip on his "attacker". "Welcome back, Miss," He leered at her. "You took advantage of out hospitality last time. It holds fair now that you return the favour."

He threw her into the group of pirates that had gathered, Elizabeth screaming pitifully all the way.

"Barbossa!"

Everyone turned.

**you can never kill the pretty boys with an old fashioned bomb anymore, can you?**

Will jumped off the edge of the ship and grabbed a revolver. He pointed it to Barbossa. "She goes free!" He demanded.

"What's in your head, boy?" Barbossa challenged.

"She goes free." Will repeated.

**Who does this nutcase think he is, Bond?**

"You've only got one shot, and we can't die." Barbossa told him gently.

"Don't do anything stupid!" Jack pleaded, edging closer.

_What could he do?_

**That's right Jack, get a bit closer. We can tackle him and pin him to the ground, and knock him unconscious, then cut out his tongue so he can never talk again, and-**

Will ran back and jumped up to the side of the ship. "You can't," He said, waving the gun around, "I can." he pointed it to his throat.

The men started to snicker.

_Why… why does anyone care?_

"Like that," Jack muttered, hanging his head.

**You had your chance, mate. One solid kick to the groin, he would have gone down pretty quickly-**

"Who ARE you?" Barbossa asked bewilderedly.

**Jaa-ckk…**

"No one!" Jack said quickly, standing in front of Barbossa to obscure his view. "H's no one. Distant cousin of my aunt's nephew, twice removed. Lovely singing voice though. Eunuch."

"My name is Will Turner. My father was Bootstrap Bill Turner. His blood runs threw my veins."

_W…What?_

**Sorry, mate.**

Jack walked off quietly to watch, defeated.

_Jack, you told me you just wanted to help him…_

"All I want is to get the Black Pearl back." Jack muttered, feeling guilty under the angels furious stare.

_So you used him. Used him like you use everyone else. Like you use me._

"On my word, do as I say." Will said, "Or I'll pull this trigger, and be lost to Davy Jones's locker."

**Come on, James-**

_No, YOU come on. It's not fair. I thought you were turning around. You've both hidden this from me all this time, haven't you?"_

Johnny and Jack stayed silent.

"Name your terms, Mr Turner." Barbossa commanded.

"Elizabeth goes free."

"Yes, we know that one. Anything else?"

Jack glanced up hopefully, gesturing to himself.

_See? Even now, you're only looking out for number one._

"Come on," Jack muttered to him, "I'm trying to save all of us-

_WE ARE ALREADY DEAD!_

"And the crew!" Will said, pleased he had "decoded" Jack's gestures. "The crew are not to be harmed."

Barbossa smirked. "Agreed."

James fluttered so he was a foot away from Jack's face. _It looks like Jack Sparrow looks out for number one. Well, I know when I have failed my job._

**Come on, buddy, he's not that bad-**

"I want my damn ship! Don't you know me by now?"

_I thought I did. _James gave an injured sniff. _But I guess I didn't. _And with a little burst of light, James disappeared.


End file.
